a year later...

I'm still alive.
A year goes by so fast. Time changes but people within remain much the same. 
In the last year, I have grown to realize many things. 
Some people never ever change. Will never take responsibility for their actions. Will probably never be honest with themselves or anyone else for that matter.
I've learned it took hitting and emotional rock bottom and feeling deaths grip to realize it was time to listen, to stop fighting for, hoping for, hanging on to the impossible and change course. To heal. To move on.
They say God allows you to struggle till you can struggle no more. I dont know who they is but that struggle of 5 years was enough.  Changed me forever. 
Definitely put me on a completely different path.  Where this path takes me, is my plan. The fate or feciso of people enetering my life is mine. Much more mine today than ever. Kinda like- know the code, pass the test, and probation there after and maybe there would be a place in my life.  
Emphasis on the maybe. See, I had no "need" for people before...I "wanted" people to be present in my life.  Now- people are completely optional. I'm complete (within myself) existing with the people in my circle. 
The freedom I have found in finally loving myself more than any man can- well there are no words to explain that. Raises the bar for anyone who would try to for sure.  
Lessons, lifes lessons....Sadly an 8 year old has learned already from this very lesson too that love is not always as it seems. Can be disguised in people who lie and will tell you what they think you want to hear for their own agenda. 
Tough lesson for a little girl who is 8. 
So with that...im still alive. Still kicking ass and taking names. Still speaking the truth and exposing your lies sir capt.