No f#@ks left to give

With the new year, the old slips further away.

I find it interesting how as people age, the "needs" in life change.  Might be different for each individual as to what one may "need" or "want" to find peace, happiness, or whatever it is that individual desires to make life of some quality.  It also shocks me how miserably people will live - faking it all -just to get by.  That lack of a quality life and the desire to stay stuck in it bewilders me. Finding comfort in misery. Is that really a thing? Faking it till you make it - is worth it?  

Imagine living a life -physically in reality with all those - per say normal things one might acquire along life's journey. Add to that a whole nother life within another separate reality with all those same normal things.  One life, living 2 separate lives full of lies, deceit and a whole lotta of good acting. The deception happens when those involved in those lives has no knowledge of the other (and then they find out). This duality is actually quite common. Happens way more than one might think.  What surprises me - is today, its much more acceptable than years past.  Why is that?  Are relationships and people in them just more disposable today? Well lets face it - there's a lot of options for just about anything one may want or need out there. There are those that live happily ever after in open relationships. There are also those who chose to not be in a relationship who are just as if not more happy than being in a relationship.

There's a lot perks to not being in a relationship.  No one to impress, or not impress. One can pretty much do as one pleases. If you want company - get a cat or a dog or 4. Say dogs are a mans best friend.  Well have fun with cleaning up your 4 best friends shit this spring.  Friends of mine ask the typical - "don't you get lonely?" My response is the same every time,  "No, I'm at peace for once in my life".  I have no one to argue with, no one to make me pissed off, a clean house, a QUIET house which I love, and I can do what ever the hell I want - whenever I want. ITS TOTAL FREEDOM. What's not to love about that.  Being lonely is a condition in which you "choose" to be in because your living in the memories in the past rather than staying in the present. 

Relationships of the past are just that  - the past, gone, done, did, over. (Do yourself a favor and don't repeat the past - all good things end) If you are lonely - chances are you are still basking and groveling in the memories of days long gone.  So put those memories on a piece of paper and burn that shit. Literally. Name names, say whatever you want on that paper (or in my case a ream of paper) - and seriously - build a big ass fire and burn every piece of paper and memory as a funeral for that past moment. Repeat as necessary. That's a simple way of doing it. Full or new moon, sage, salt and some specific words can help it along too but that's a whole nother ceremony. 🧹

Think of it like phases of the it a bunch of phases...seasons.  With each comes lessons. Each lesson helps us to grow, awaken perhaps to who we are suppose to be.  Why does the universe put people in out path to make our lives chaos? To send us in another direction. There is a lesson to be learned, believe me its not easy. Took me 5 years to finally listen to the universe all the while - through all that struggle, grief and pain...I was growing as an individual into yet some new person. Stronger, wiser, a protector of what brings me peace, quieter - well kinda. My values - standards of what I want and need are completely different. My outlook on relationships - completely different.  Perspective of what that four letter word means - (love)...nothing like what I believed it to be years ago.  Of course my patience for people who are not in my circle has flown out the window. My fuks given  - well I have none to give. 


Thought you might find that entertaining. 
Life is short folks. Figure out what you want in life. Don't settle for less. You are worth it! You are more than being someones option or weekend fuck. You are worth more than being given scraps of someones time when its convenient for the other person. You are enough, you are deserving of more. You deserve what you want.  Get over being needy. Love yourself and live life. Embrace who you are, not by the definition of the piece of shit you kicked to the curb. The past fed you lies, thats why its your past. Tomorrow is yet to come. What are you doing today to make sure tomorrow is better than yesterday?
Your past does not define who you are today. It may have given you some hard lessons, and helped you grow to become who you are, but all those labels casts by liars and the naïve and straight up dumb asses-  a do not define who you are in this moment.  People of your past - are gone.  Hold a funeral for them and let the ashes blow in the wind.  The universe will take care of the rest. For those of you still playing the game... change the rules, and win.  THE LOSER doesn't deserve your fine ass. You will be better off, trust me - (   ) will NOT EVER CHANGE.