birthday wishes





Happy 50th Birthday to my X/Y.
I chose to remember and at least be the bigger person and say it. As easily as mine is or was replaced by how many others, this date and a few others, I cant forget. I wish I could remember all the dates like you did. Perhaps there was a reason I wasn't suppose to. I can only imagine being haunted by 5 years worth of dates and times and memories to go with them. Sure I have the memories, but even those are fading. 
Hope your 50th is as good as mine was. Remember? I'm sure yours will be, you have many to chose from.

NEXT

When a person, in my situation, a male person, has been caught or is suspected to be with  another of his multiple women, which, mind you - we all have knowledge of the others….how does anyone trust or believe anything he says after that point? Or is truth or trust just out the window? Is it just a thing now? Just an act? Or has everyone involved accepted it all for what it is and accept that dudes got more than one women. Is this now an acceptable thing these days?  Some studies say, it’s impossible to change that kind of man. That once the breach of commitment has been done, it's easier every time there after. The emotional or heartfelt commitment is gone.  While other studies say, a man who truly chooses to change simply can because he wants to and has discipline to, and truly loves only one women.  Yet the man I knew, in all  consciousness admitted to me that I wouldn't be his last. Quote “I will find someone else" or “there will be someone else". Statements like that are filled with intention. With no intention to stay with one women for sure. That's not love for anyone...but himself. 

How does he do it? Well, from my experience, he just gets better at keeping it hidden from those he feels the need to hide it from. Wait for someone to leave town, go away with the guys for a weekend, spend the night at the shack, or pretend to go to work, head for the hotel down the street. Much of that hotels been torn down. But the tower is still there. What floor was that room.?

Did someone, (does she know you call her somone?) ever find our hair in her hairbrush, or our long brown or blonde hair in the room? Or did he clean that well? Could she smell the scent of our lotions or perfumes or body sprays in that room? On the mattress?  That was my fabric softener. Made me wonder if she compared the toilet paper roll to before and after she left. Or towels hanging in the bathroom… or were they washed like the sheets? Not due to allergies. Carpet shampooed? Look at that with a black light! House cleaned to remove the smell of the women and sex. Not because a clean house is a thing, it is to cover up what was.

Dude just got smarter…kinda. But not really. A women knows what she knows. And she never asks a question she doesn’t already know or have the answer to. She may not be tracking your mileage, or your pay stub, following you Or me or the others, or watching the change in your demeanor or attitude or behavior and actions…as closely anymore. See, it’s predictable now. NEXT. Predictable like the season.

My question is why would she stick around or wait or hope for change. The only thing changing are the sheets and  the woman. NEXT. Perhaps the perfume too. He hasn’t changed one bit, getting caught just means he steps up the game. Truth, be told, the women help him too. I didn’t tho. I knew and know you knew and know  when I’ve been in your space. I wasn’t and am not hiding it. He was/is.

A saint of a women can forgive and pray for honest change. It takes a saint of a man to actually do that. I prayed for years. I stopped. I knew then and now, he will never change. Except who is next.