feels good to not have to hide anymore. Huge burden lifted. Shame gone.  Free. 
To be open, and not have to lie. It's liberating.  I never wanted to hide, never wanted to be dishonest to he people who asked me if the rumors were true, never wanted to be some dirty secret. I had to lie to peoples faces because of him.  Protect his reputation - cuz he had to be "liked".  He couldn't bare the thought of people knowing what he was really doing...
Life of lying to people, covering what you do up...takes work. He must have really liked the thrill of it.  

My family knew that I was in a whatever with him, my friends knew, I didn't hide anything from any of them. Yup I was judged, probably the same way some of you who are reading this may be. Difference is - my friends and family supported me.  they didn't agree with it necessarily, but they didn't condemn me for it.  Probably because I had been honest and forthcoming about it since the beginning.

He was in my daughters home numerous times, around her daughter ALOT and their friends..he even met my step father - who later knew about it too.  My grand daughter today - today!...points to a pool floaty at walmart... to a man on the floaty...he reminded us both of dude.  What the hell is this doing to her - a seven year old!!! The look on her face - as she looked at me - all I could say was "I know kitten- I know... and walk away. I so regret allowing her to know any part of him.   If I should ever go down that road again - dude will never meet my family till its a forever thing.  I wouldn't hide him  - like I was hidden, conversations about the new boo would happen, but the activities...swimming at the lake, camping, shopping, playing barbies, making a swing, pushing her in the swing, water balloon fights,  blah blah blah blah - meeting my family in person - would never happen the same way as it did with him.  God was I stupid.

The saddest of all of it - is my granddaughter remembers how happy I was with him...and knows - points it out, that I am not happy now that he is gone...

I loved this man with everything in did she.